Dear United States Postal Service,
I hate you.
You're a selfish, lying facade that holds NO CANDLE to Fed Ex!
If I had anthrax, I would send it all to you.
If I had sand bags, I'd barricade your parking lot that never has a place open for me.
If I could make YOU use a line maze, I'd be sure it took you an HOUR to get through, and that it crossed the freeway a few times.
You've contributed nothing to our relationship.
I want my stuff back!!
P.S. - Jasmine feels the same way, and she's not as mentally stable as me-so WATCH YOURSELF!!