Sunday, March 22, 2009

“You should be afraid tonight. More than you know.”



Grief:

In the first moments, you can’t breathe. It’s not like being punched-I’ve realized that saying in inaccurate. It’s like being under water and breathing in, only no water floods your mouth- only…an emptiness. Your arms begin to tingle on the biceps and you feel suddenly as if you have no bones- just disintegrated calcium floating freely in your limbs.
Like you might faint. Then you open your mouth and hold it there while the back part of the throat closes to a small, round shape that allows for even less oxygen.
A rush of thoughts containing nothing seethes within your head. You feel the electricity of thought going everywhere and nowhere within your skull.
These are the sudden effects of grief.
The screaming starts much later, or at least it feels that way in the bubble of endless time surrounding you. You are nothing. WE are nothing. There is no more a thin, invisible line of connection between us.
All senses have been cut.

2 comments:

Lady Glamis said...

Wow, that's poignant. I sure hope everything is alright with you.

This is a beautiful piece. I think it would work well in a novel.

Pen Pen said...

:) It's just a writing clip :)
I'm very interested in making sure that I write down the physical experiences that I may just get a flash of while watching a movie, or even just hearing something that makes me think of something specific- or that I actually experience- like grief. I think that it gives more life to my writing when I can pull the description of an emotion from what it really feels like. I was going through grief a few years ago, and I wrote this during that time- I just found it.