Sunday, March 22, 2009
“You should be afraid tonight. More than you know.”
In the first moments, you can’t breathe. It’s not like being punched-I’ve realized that saying in inaccurate. It’s like being under water and breathing in, only no water floods your mouth- only…an emptiness. Your arms begin to tingle on the biceps and you feel suddenly as if you have no bones- just disintegrated calcium floating freely in your limbs.
Like you might faint. Then you open your mouth and hold it there while the back part of the throat closes to a small, round shape that allows for even less oxygen.
A rush of thoughts containing nothing seethes within your head. You feel the electricity of thought going everywhere and nowhere within your skull.
These are the sudden effects of grief.
The screaming starts much later, or at least it feels that way in the bubble of endless time surrounding you. You are nothing. WE are nothing. There is no more a thin, invisible line of connection between us.
All senses have been cut.