Thursday, September 3, 2009

Now, Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale!

...but I'll tell you right now-It's not going to be a happy one.
When I got home today, Jasmine looked like she wanted me to make some cupcakes. Being the wonderful Kitten Mum that I am-of course-I immediately set myself to making her some.
When my sis came in and saw my prep, she enlisted herself...and her cat-Socks- to help.
We used 'Swans Down' Cake Flour, and started baking from scratch-as I do:)
We sifted,
We added orange gel coloring for color- and Vanilla Extract for flavor(Fun Fact: If you drink Vanilla Extract, it is just like drinking concentrated alcohol...hmmm),
We mixed,
We waited.
But then............
The cupcakes came out looking as if they'd been attacked with a weed wacker!!
We were so sad-depressed-broken. Even the cupcakes themselves could feel the tremendous pain! ...and they were devastated.
This made Jasmine LIVID!!
We HAD to discover WHAT could have caused this!
A one hour inquiry was initiated...
...and THEN the culprit was exposed in all his evil glory!!
The FLOUR MIX!!
He had been combined with BAKING SODA!!! WHY?! WHY would a flour mix be combined with baking soda?!
I chased it down and cornered it-
Penny: "WHO SENT YOU?!"
Flour: "I'll NEVER give up that information!"
Penny: "I WANT THE TRUTH!!"
Flour: "You can't HANDLE the truth!!!"
*Penny stabs Flour Mix*
Once the sun slipped beyond the horizon, my mother returned home and entered the kitchen. She was relaxed and poured a cup of coffee before leaning against the counter and reaching for the butchered flour box.
Mom: "You didn't use this flour, did you? I added baking soda to it and left it on the counter to use it in an art project for some kids."
I turned slowly from the fruit I was chopping-but said not a word...I sat down at the kitchen table...
...and took a swig of the Vanilla Extract. By 8, I had drunk away the pain, and every breath tasted of sugar cookies.
I'll get you next time, mutant Swan Flour!!! You're gonna be screamin through the duct tape!

12 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh No!!!!
LOL!!!!

Poor you, poor your sister. What a disappointment. Did they still taste good, or were they yuck?

Heehee, thanks for the chuckle this morning. As someone who is a horrible cook/baker, I totally sympathize (even though this wasn't your fault, whereas my messed up projects are mine).

:-) Love the pics!

And I love vanilla extract. I didn't know about drinking it (snort) but I always use extra in when I make stuff. My mommy taught me that. :-)

natalie said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle! :)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

GAH!!!! I'd have been SO MAD, TOO!

Mariah Irvin said...

What a scary story! I'm sorry for the pain those cupcakes inflicted upon you.

lightning in a bottle said...

that's so funny. in a cake fail kinda way. but at least you got to hang out with your sis and jasmine got to hang out with her kitty friend too!

don't worrry. we all know you make the bestest cupcakes!

Dutch donut girl said...

Hahaha... poor Jasmine!
Sigh, you have a kitchen aid.
Hmmm, I need me some Vanilla Extract now :-)

Pen Pen said...

Jessica- We had fun, but I was SOOOO confused when they came out of the oven!! I was kind of angry too cuz I was gonna make some to bring to Jason and had already started the royal icing decoration I was gonna put on top.
AND- Isn't it weird with the vanilla?! My mom told me that when she was little, she had an uncle who ALWAYS smelled like vanilla--his wife wouldn't let him go to the liquor store--He drank vanilla instead! The stuff is actually AT LEAST 35% proof while beer is about 5%ish! INSANE!!! I looked it up and they said "non alcoholic" vanilla cannot say "Pure Vanilla Extract" on the label. AND- The alcohol is the BEST agent to get the flavor out of a bean and that's why it's present.
The bottles kind of make me think of Alice in Wonderland. I bet that's what Lewis Carrol based the "drink me" bottle on! :)
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natalie- PLEASURE! :)
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Green Girl- The only vindication is to spike some cupcakes of ur own!! :)
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Mariah- Thanks! The flour is now sleeping with the fishes!!!
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lightning- As long as my professional image isn't tarnished!! I was considering not even mentioning them, but then I decided to go the "Oprah" route call them out like she called out James Frey that time!!
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Donut-
That mixer WAS mine! My mom didn't use it, so she "gave it to me", but a week ago-she started loving to watch 'Barefoot Contessa' and she TOOK IT BACK!!!! Indian Giver!!!! :)

lotusgirl said...

Aw man! cupcakes ruined! quelle catastrophe!

Gabbi said...

Sucks about the cupcakes... but drunk on vanilla extract?! Mus try now :)

Wishing you a lovely Labor Day weekend!

The Vintage Kitten said...

Oh what a shame!!! (Your story was very funny though LOL!) That pesky flour! What was the flour and baking soda getting upto in the darkness of the cupboards to get mingled I wonder??? X

P.S Thanks so much for stopping by my blog X

newlyweds said...

How funny!! I almost had a panic attack though because I use Swan Flour and didn't know it had baking soda in it, ha ha. Your mom! Poor cupcakes, I hate to see a loss like that. In fact once I made pink lemonade cupcakes and forgot to add any baking powder and they looked as sad flat and deflated, ugh.

Pen Pen said...

lotus- Disasters always sound better in French!
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Gabbi- I know! I'm still sad! I think the alcohol content in Vanilla is something not many people know---I would assume that it cooks off in the oven, but that's still weird. You have a great one too!! I'm sick, but hopefully I'll maybe feel better tomorrow and won't miss going out!! :(
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Vintage- :) I REALLY love ur blog! YAY! ANd-My mom was going to do an art project with kids that involved pouring flower on glue after it's colored-the combination of baking soda helped it set or something-I can't remember exactly what it was... :)
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Newlyweds- :) I've added Baking SODA instead of Baking POWDER before-I think that many newbie bakers make that mistake and don't even know that there's a difference between those two things-I didn't at the time. It's a problem. :)